Sunday, January 25, 2009

Precious Moments....

So I still can't believe that Ezra is home. I just had the pleasure of rocking him back to sleep. He usually goes to sleep very easily with a bottle and he's out so it's not often that he needs Mom there to fall asleep. I was just holding him close, breathing him in... and I just couldn't stop thinking... he's REALLY here. He's been home almost exactly one month and it still seems like a dream to me. I don't know how I lived my whole life with out him in it. I just feel so blessed to have my son home and it just makes me soooooooooo sad for all the families that are still waiting for court, or travel, etc. I know the wait is worth it but while we were going through it it was pure hell. Now I can look at my son and see what all the internal struggle and termoil was for, there really is no way to describe it. No words could have prepared me for a night like tonight, when I just look at my baby and my heart fills my entire chest with such an intense love and gratitude. He really does make us fall in love with him all over again everyday. Like today at church when the music would start and every one was singing, he's start just blabbing away then when the music would stop he was usually a few notes beyond the silence so everyone of course was giggling and looking our way, then sure enough when the music started up he was singing again. Just moments like that just make us melt :) The bummer thing about this week is that I start back at work. It's only 3 days a week and 2 weekends a month BUT I've gotten so used to time at home with Michael and Ezra that it will be hard to be away from them for so long. I get so lonesome when it's only been a couple hours so a full day will be miserable. At the same time it will be nice to get to see some of my favorite clients and patients again and see my friends at work. I do miss the crew :) There are 2 families that are meeting their kids tomorrow in Ethiopia and I just am so jealous of them. I miss the kids so much and I miss ET even though we were sooooo sick the entire time. I really wish we could have stayed longer under different circumstances. I wish I had tons of money b/c I'd probably try to go with every travel group to see the kids and the families meeting each other for the first time. I'd be like an AWAA ambassador or something :) It would also be hard though to go and see all the children and not be able to take one back with me. Michael and I still aren't sure if we'll adopt again next or try for a biological child. It's just hard for me to bring a child into an overpopulated world knowing that we have such a heart for adoption and that's one less orphan who will have a home. On the other hand, what if we wait and then when I'm 40 I have an urge for a biological child... I just don't know. Lots of prayer. Enough rambling, I will be quiet now.

1 comment:

Roscoe and Julia Richardson said...

I love the rambling :) Now all you need to do is post more pics :) And what about pics of your other babies ;)